aiyan downright.

i tried not to cry in front of those people. in front of people i dont know. i just sat there waiting for the tears to fall. it eventually did. slowly. drop by drop. and there wasnt anyone who came to talk to me. not a single one. i cried slowly and silently all by my own. trying to control those tears. i didnt really do a good job. when the bell rang. i stiffened up and walked to her.

it was like. she understood. she understood everything that i went through. she didnt need me to ask. she rubbed the tears that fell from my cheek. she comforted me at the assembly ground. she waited until i was ready to talk. but i didnt have any chance to. i just sat at her class and tried to calm myself down

i looked at my class

they were there. and it was hell obvious that they didnt care.

anyways. chilled at the toilet. outseide block c. the toilet i love to go. the toilet where i always cry my heart out. i cried outside the toilet. i cried and ranted like there was no tomorrow. and then i saw him. i cried more. because he just brought back those memories and all those things i did for him which ended up nothing. useless. pointless. she was there for me. she shared what she gone through last time. she is my best mate. the bestest of all. and no one needs to know that we have this bond. this strong bond which holds us together.

i’m sorry i lost control of myself. i promise i’ll do better next time

it was such a bad birth . day.

i cried for about 25 minutes. i couldnt control myself. then went to the courts. sat down and had such a heart to heart talk with her. we dont talk much at school. but we do keep in contact. i love her so much.

on life

i’m sorry i ditched this blog. it used to be a place where i could rant all my problems. it has been two years since i actually posted a meaningful post. or somewhat related to my life. Life has been quite a memorable journey up till now. Life now is quite repetitive. going to school everyday without a sense of direction. hanging out is already a pass tense as everyone is settling down , concentrating on that biggie SPM.

heck i’m taking SPM this year. i still remember the day i took PMR . that year where everything just became. something. where i constantly hear people talking about me. i hear stuffs they read from the blog. i hear everything. as so it seems. but i know more things now. i know they used to call me the lollipop girl. ( eh come on lah people like to eat lollipop. cannot ke ). and they used to DISCUSS everything about my life. like what i did and where did i go. and what happened between me and HIM. everyday. take that.

life in the limelight is really really unpredictable. one thing i learned is to never spill everything. never type what i feel. never type what’s going through me . but if i had to think it wouldnt be a blog now. aye?

i’m growing up. i know. so are people around me. i can see them change. they are studying so hard right now. while i’m still loitering around like nobody’s business. but still i tried. i tried so hard . but the results are somewhat disappointing.

my pledge : ditch LGM and focus on my god forsaken mid terms.

life is like a box of chocolates you’ll never know what you’ll get.

on love

this year is somewhat. LOYAL! ahah. that’s how i sum up the love life. i mean. heck i’ve been IN to this guy for the past SIX MONTHS and i doubt it’s going to stop anytime soon. it’s like. whenever he walks past you, you’ll feel this gust of wind and suddenly your heart seems to miss a beat. and you just cant help but to look down and photocopy his flawless image into your brain so that you wont forget. you try to get into his way just so he could be irritated . but  then and again. he gets to KNOW your existence. he gets to know who you are. that’s the most important part i guess.

but now i’m just in the process of trying to get him off my mind. i dont want to be SO crazy about him anymore. it’s not that i’m giving up or anything. but everything has its limits and i think i’ve reached mine. the final " goodbye " thingy was his birthday so called present. and i even doubt he opened it up. it must be lying in the trashcan somewhere.

nowadays. he’s just him. the normal guy.

a passing infatuation.